Lonely and missing my friends this winter

Loreto Cheyne

Where I come from, there’s a word that perfectly describes the ideal female friendship, and it’s “comadre.” My friend Ima recently reminded of that word.

That one word says so much. To me, it means women who have been friends long enough to feel really comfortable around each other. To know each other’s families, kids, husbands. And it carries a lot of comfort and easy camaraderie. And laughter. 

 I’m lucky that I have several friends that I would call “comadres.” But I know a lot of women who don’t. And that makes me really sad. I think so far, 2022 has been a fairly challenging year (especially if you live in Ottawa!) And maybe that’s why I’m thinking about girlfriends, comadres, and missing get-togethers with the girls.

Now, I know that friends aren’t that important to all women. And for some, friendships simply take a backseat-or get forgotten altogether-once marriage and children come along.

I don’t know why some women let that happen. I’m not judging it, but I can’t understand it. But what does bug me is the unspoken attitude that everything comes before their own needs. Their own friendships. And sometimes, their own interests. 

I’m not a shining beacon of what a perfect friend should be. I’m not the standard to strive for. But I’ve seen this often enough that it really bothers me: the attitude that when life gets busy, YOU are relegated so far to the bottom of the list that you can’t even make time for a phone call from a friend.

Don’t let that happen to you. Because you’ll find yourself alone and without a support system. Women’s friendships are so precious and amazing that you shouldn’t deny yourself this gift. If you let all your friendships fade away, ask yourself:

  • who’ll be there when you’re bone-tired and lonely?
  • who’ll celebrate with you when you reach amazing milestones?
  • who’ll put their arm around you when you need strength to face immense challenges?
  • who’ll be there to laugh and remind you of that wild 17-year old you used to be? 

Don’t get so busy that you forget to make time for you and your friends. Because there’s no greater joy than sitting around reminscing with someone who knows you and loves you through the years just as you are. 

Flawed and magnificent.



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